Unstable

Just like any other human being on this Earth, my patience, my waiting and my grief has its own limit. Been went through all the rough things in life alone and losing the only family member I love the most in this world have seem to cause me to be mentally unstable. Mood swing and bad temper.

Perhaps I have been grieving all alone and keep everything to myself. Or because the person I trust the most with my heart has turn his back on me at the time I need him the most.

I do everything I can and wanted, so that I will be able to be happy again. To feel happy and to truly being happy without pretending I am.

I have always been a strong girl. Well, I should replace the word 'girl' with 'lady'. I'm a strong lady. When he left my heart to million pieces, I remained calm and silent. I held my tears and told myself, I have to be strong, because at least I still have my Mama. Mama, Mak, Mother. She was my strength and motivation and inspiration for me to stay strong and focus on what comes ahead me. Being there by her side, I feel so much secure. Safe and protected. Well, that's what every mother does right? To protect her child.

Her death is a big loss to me. Huge and enormous. I still need her in my life. I am not ready to lose her. How can I survive living this world without her? And I truly believe she wouldn't want to leave me either. I love her so much, I love my mother so much. But trust me, MY MOTHER RAISED A TOUGH CHILD.

I miss you old friend

Remember how we used to chat via Yahoo Messenger or Facebook or Google Talk back then? Because smartphones are just something new and rare to us (i guess it's only me). No Whatsapp, Line, Wechat and so on.

Remember how you would love to write comments in my old blog. Oh my, we were both so young back then. How many years have passed and we're getting older. I just wish that as we were getting older, we will be able to rationalise and think critically about our future and what we wish to do in the future.

All in all, I miss you old friend! All the best..

Screen cap from my old blog..