Dalam masa beberapa hari saja lagi, umat Islam di Malaysia dan juga negara lain di sekitar akan menyambut Syawal.
Bagi sesetengah orang, Syawal adalah waktu dan saat paling gembira. Seluruh keluarga dapat berkumpul bersama.
Bagi aku, hari pertama Syawal akan bakal aku lalui seperti hari-hari biasa. Tiada yang istimewa untuk disambut dengan meriah. Namun jauh disudut hati, aku teringinkan Syawal pada tahun ini sama istimewa seperti masa Mak masih ada. Belum cukup setahun Mak pergi tinggalkan aku. 16 Syawal 1436H tahun lalu. Masih segar diigatan.
Semoga dipermudahkan untuk aku lalui masa-masa sukar yang bakal mendatang.
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Moving on
Moving on has never been the easiest thing to do. It differs from one individual to another. For me, it feels like taking forever. Sometimes I feel nothing, emotionless but in another time, I weep and cry. I lost so many wonderful love in just few years.
"You said move on, but where do I go?"
Easy for others to say, but not easy for me to do. After some time, that sadness turns anger, anger eventually turns nothing. I can no longer feel anything. That habit of me, I do when I feel nothing. At least it makes me feel like I'm alone. Stupid and crazy. What else a person like me with no friends and no mother, do to occupy myself? Sinful and yet not ready to die.
I've been wondering and asking God, why you make me feel like I'm such a useless and the most pathetic person on Earth while you make that person the most happy person with the most wonderful family, the very same person who hurts me more than anything else in this world.
Karma. No matter what religion you are, karma has always been a part of natural cycle of life. You make me cry, someday someone else will make you cry, or make your sister, daughter or niece cry right under your nose. I have started to smile again when natural karma has gotten to you, though not through the same heartbreak you gave me.
To forgive? It will be the last thing I would consider to do, not even in my last breath. To forget, over my dead soul!
Moving on from the loss of people I love and adore. I can never will. The memories shall live and never fade.
"You said move on, but where do I go?"
Easy for others to say, but not easy for me to do. After some time, that sadness turns anger, anger eventually turns nothing. I can no longer feel anything. That habit of me, I do when I feel nothing. At least it makes me feel like I'm alone. Stupid and crazy. What else a person like me with no friends and no mother, do to occupy myself? Sinful and yet not ready to die.
I've been wondering and asking God, why you make me feel like I'm such a useless and the most pathetic person on Earth while you make that person the most happy person with the most wonderful family, the very same person who hurts me more than anything else in this world.
Karma. No matter what religion you are, karma has always been a part of natural cycle of life. You make me cry, someday someone else will make you cry, or make your sister, daughter or niece cry right under your nose. I have started to smile again when natural karma has gotten to you, though not through the same heartbreak you gave me.
To forgive? It will be the last thing I would consider to do, not even in my last breath. To forget, over my dead soul!
Moving on from the loss of people I love and adore. I can never will. The memories shall live and never fade.
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